Thursday, November 12, 2009

~pabilaku da tak mampu~

aku hanya mampu merenung. memikirkan ape yang mampu ku lakukan
perkataan "if" mula memenuhi minda ku.

if aku terus kan and ak tak brjaya?
if ini bkn jalan yang betol bagi aku?
if aku tak pilih yang lagi satu and aku tak bley "go on" dengan yang sekarang nie?

mungkin bagi korg , korg tak tahu ape yang aku smpaikan.
mungkin bagi korang aku hanya menulis sesuatu yang tidak memberi kesinambungan
tapi bagi ku, coretan ini salah satu cara bagiku meluahkan perasaanku.
kerana keputusan yang akanku buat bakal mengubah perjalanan hidupku.

jikaku mengambil langkah yang sedangku fikirkan, apa pula kata org lain?

bagaimana perasaan ibu bapaku,
bagaimana perasaan ustazah fatahiyah pula?
bagaimana perasaan mejar nizam? encik akmal? guru2 rmc?
dan yang paling penting... adik beradik mindef ku, kawan2 mep ku?


aku pening kepala memikirkannya. perlukah aku berputus asa sekarang?
membuat keputusan diluar jangkaan? membuat keputusan berdasarkan ketakutan?
atau adakah ini ujian dari ilahi.menguji ketabahan hati.

pelbagai persoalan bermain di minda ku.

sekiranya daku mengambil keputusan yang drastik ini,
aku ingin meminta ampun maaf dan salam perpisahan kepada rakan2ku.
aku risaukan masa depanku, aku risaukan kebolehanku

aku sayang korang semua , and aku minta maap kalo kata2ku dan tindakan ku
menggores hati kalian semua.

walauapapun jika benar ku akan mengubah haluan hidupku,
daku kan berpisah pada 13.12.09,dan insyallah akan meneruskan pengajianku di tempat yang ku idami dari kecil dahulu mungkinkah di negara eropah rezekiku.

sentiasa didalam ingatan.. shantoh shantoh...

~aku masih memikirkan keputusanku, doakan aku membuat keputusan yang tepat~

p/s: hatiku masih berat disini namun daku takutkan masa depanku.
insyallah ku diberi hidayah dari ilahi

let us do our best and let god do the rest.

till we meet again.. [-_-]
Op uLyA aQaMaH BiN Op HuSaMuDiN

29 comments:

aNuaR said...

ulya, kau kene balik bandung ke?? kau sanggup tinggalkan aku?? :( jgnlaa

Op uLyA said...

bandung?? tak bace abes ke ape?

faiq zaini said...

ak nk ckap pon rmai org da sebot..
x kan la ko x tau.
at last it's all still depend on ur choice.
tp ak nk ckp gak ayt ni..
"ada hikmahnya ko dpt jordan"

stil long way to go..
we r all the same.
y keep emphasize bout xsmka.. or xkisas.. or xbla2..????

it's x like u givin up so early.
ur frens are there.
we'll through this togther.

Liyana said...

yup!sokong faiq!
your mindset yg cmtuh..
jgn cpt putus asa..bru 1st exam kt cni..
byk lgi yg kne tmpuh kt cni
ad hikmah ko kt cni..btol kte faiq tuh..
wt la istikharah..
xpi ble ati ko dh wat kcenderungan ntk stop,mgkn krg smprna..
wlaupepon,ktorg akn doa yg terbek ntok ko..iAllah

mahasiswa said...

doa yang terbaik.
iAllah.

Op uLyA said...

to faiq.. : i know. i shud have thought more.. but ak takut ar.. insyallah la.. ak dapat jawapan terbaek,

to ciput: thanx la for d concern.. ak akan cube insyallah

haha said...

watever it is.
aku support kau.
but still,mcm yg kita bincangkn selama ini,think properly.

oke?
kt other countries xde aku?
kau nak ke tmpt xde aku?
=p

shena said...

like ciput says wat istikarah la luh..
mungkin hari ni jep ko ase camtu...
sumer kwn2 ada kt sini ntok tros support ko..
papepom,,still hope d best 4 you

budak sedih said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
budak sedih said...

jgn isaw kwn2..kmi akan ikat dye dlm bilik, gari siap..
so dye xleh pegi mane2..

weh,bro..ko nak ke dak2 umah ni mati kebulur xmakan?haha,ko da chef..

kta da ade peranan masing2 da kat sini,kalo ko xde..
MCM HILANG SATU ANGGOTA,
XMUGKIN DAPAT BERFUNGI SEBAIKNYA.

kte baru nk ok bai dok cni,
mmg la susah sikit awal ni..

bro..pastikan pilihan terbaik ok?.
kalo cita2 ko tu sumber hidup ko..kejarlah

kalo ak,sumber hdup aku bukan cta2 aku,tp sibling2 aku..KAU.

p/s;
1.takkan da gvup kot bro?xske la pesaing aku berkurang ni.

2.sial r ko xcte.ptot r bkias semacam ngn aku, kantoi xsyng aku.

one_munawwarah said...

aiyoooo ulya~
mau sakit jantung akak bce post ni pagi2..
huhu...

ur student life comes once in a lifetime, and u might wanna spend it with ppl u love the most. the hardship would be worth it when u go thru it with ppl u enjoy being with. i learnt this the hard way. =)

still, it's God who knows what's best for ya, so istikharahlah ye.

but come to think about it, it's just a freaking 1st exam for a boy who have no basic in arabic. u're gonna laugh at this - on how u're so disturbed with it-

it's college life, not high school, u can't expect 100% marks for every exam ;)

till then, take care.

sopiah bukn nama sebenar said...

bahasa arab 1st yr je dik...
yg lain nnt inshallah boleh score..
ni baru 1st sem.
kt sini dahlah exm abc je..beruntung dok sini.

sopiah-dentist 3rd yr just

ainaa said...

ermmm...(speechless ble bce...)
agree wif ciphot n shena...
do istikharah,,ask for His guide...
He knows better wat bez 4 u n 4 ur future..
x smstinye ape yg ulya dpt kt joden ni,bleh dpt ble ade kt europe nnt..

klu givap sal exam,,rmai lg yg dpt result trok...my result pom bese2 je...bese la tu,nk dpt kejayaan,,byk liku yg Allah beri pd kte...so that,ble kejayaan di akhir tuh kite da miliki,,it would b somtg sooo nice we have dat tym...

klu givap sal arabic,,it's not just u facing the probs...ur siblings sume tu pom,xde basic arab...klu dyeorg bleh b strong to face this hard condition,y u can't...Allah x timpakn ssuatu ksulitan @ kesusahan di luar kmmpuan hambaNya...sntiasa prcya pd kte2 Allah...

neway,,we do support any decision u make 4 ur life...kt joden ke,kt europe ke,kte still nk mnuntut ilmu2 Allah...make a rite decision fren!...

Dan mereka brkta,"segala puji bg Allah yg tlh mghilangkn kesedihan dr kami.Sungguh,Tuhan kami benar2 Maha Pengampun,Maha Mensyukuri..."
(surah al-faatir : 34)

ur brother said...

to all: aku harap korg support lar walau ape pun keputusan ulya...mngkin ade bgs nye die g sne..only Allah knows the best 4 us...

to ulya: sorry lar, aku x pndai nk nasihat2 org nie...igt 'TIADA YG TIADA, TIADA YG XTAU, TIADA YG X BOLEH'...'OP KLU LETAK KAT MNE2 PUN BLEH SURVIVE'...sume nie brgantung kat diri ko jer..sma ade ko nk atau x jer...neway klu ko g sne pun okey gak...there are always pros n cons...tp klu ko jd nk g sne aku harap bkn ats sebab ko x mampu nk amik dentist lar...if it is one of ur reasons then aku rase kecewa gak r ngan ko..lastly aku harap ko dpt wat keputusan yg tepat lar...aku sntiasa support ko x kire pape jd...

Anonymous said...

to me, i think you should think it through, pray hard, and make your own decision. nobody else should influence your decision because in the end its your life. do what you think is best for you. and remember that once you make your choice there's no turning back.

so i say do what you want to do. with every path you take, there is a lesson. just my two cents. it's probably not worth anything, but i hope it helps.

mej01 said...

salam..ulya jng ah give up.....
markah aku pon x seberape gak....aku sedih saper x sedih....
tp bile pikir balek...mesti Allah bg ape yg terbaek untk diri kita..skrg kiter x nmpk...Bersyukur....senang cakap kan...tp 2 Alhamdulillah Allah bg kiter markah cam 2....kalau Allah bg 0 camner??Kalu ikutkn Allah maha berkuasa untk buat aper2
Tp Allah still sayg kiter...Allah bg kiter sederhana dulu....mgkn nie Allah bg petunjk untk dktkn diri kiter padenyer...Cube hitung nikmat yg Allah dah bg kat kiter..x terhitung kan...
cell dlm bdn kiter pon berfunngsi atas izinNYA...mungkin nie lah satu ujian yg mngajar kiter untk lbh berlapang dada n redha ngan ujiannya....kiter berusha lah lg Allah dah befirman kan Umat islam yg terbaek...jd kiter mst blh..lg pon kau ade family n kwn2 kau kat cini yg selalu support kau kan...Ulg ayat faiq ~mst ade hikmah kau kat cini~
kiter kat cini same2 nk cari keredhaanYNA n mengejar cintaNya yg sudah lame menunnggu kiter...tp terpulg ah pade kau.lg pon mane2 pon kau bljar kat bumi ALLah gak. buat ah istikarah....Tawakal lah pada Nya...kiter org doakn yg terbaek ntuk kau.....~senior imran ckp ade je senior yr xde basic arab tp blh berjaya drp org ade basic arab~semuanya x mustahil bg Allah...asalkn kiter berusaha n mnjlnkn perintahNya sebgai hambaNya yg penuh kkrngn...sekadar poeringtn untk diri...

~zakiy~ said...

salam ulya..
dont make 'wat people say' affect ur decision k..
u gotta choose ur own path..
esp regarding ur fture..
its ur call now..
nway, watever da dcision is, we're all here..

Op uLyA said...

to all: thanx guys.. i will think it over..thanx for the views.. i may need time.. [-_-]

Anonymous said...

ak nk bg komen pendek jek..itu sebbnye dh ramai dh bgi komen berjele2....erk ?? satu y ak buleh ckp ko kembli la kepd Allah..tuh jek wat solt isthikharh jgn lupe yek !! =p sebb this is about ur futur..bkn leh wat memain okegh ~!! so mintk laa kat Allah yek , pencipte kite..y sgt 2 taw ape y terbaek ntok kite..Ade hikmh npe ko pat jden...okehh ?? y pntg wat SOLAT ISTKHRH~~ =D

sofia said...

hye ulya---

u must been through a hard time..
yeah i knw how you feel..
we're in da same boat...
herm,yup Allah knows better..
everything happen for a reasons,stop thinkin bout what people feel,instead think about you..it's your life..

anyway,whtevr yr decision is,i gt yr back...

knw you for a while,bt in a short period i can see hw a great guy you are...

take care ulya!!!

aNuaR said...

ulya, aku da phm da cite kau *aku lambat sket..sori..

FYI, aku syg gila kau...kalau boleh, aku xnk kasi kau pergi..aku nk kau dkt dgn aku...

psl exam tu, aku akn bantu kau...oke?? just tell me

furqon said...

Ulya ---

-ve "if" = happiness

kakak medik 3rd yr said...

salam ulya..
tlg la jgn bg alasan sbb bahasa arab nk benti..
klu awak nak dik, ktrg bley je tlg cari cikgu bahasa arab..bljr private..dgn ustaz ridhwan ke..senior2 ramai mantap arab..dak yarmouk yg amek lughah tu, mtx tlg kt dorg dik..klu segan, awk bayar la dorg..kira cam tuisyen arab la..
ok?? tlg, please do sumthing instead of quitting the JUST..please..

tepianmuara said...

fkir msk2 r...

decide only when u r ready to.

take ur time.

Ainul Arina Madhiah said...

bitaufiq untuk semua keputusan yang bakal diambil. Smoga dipermudahkan~

urmama SFM said...

Son....what happen to you....

urmama SFM said...

Ulya my son...
You know how great you are for me..
You know how much I luv you as my son..
You know everything that I did, it was for the better life of my kids even i have to sacrifice myself..

Please son, don't you ever give up with all the challenges that you face. All those challenges are juz to help you to realize how strong you are..and son, i know that you are very strong to face your life..please don't give son..please..

Just take your time to calm yourself then think properly..with the guide from HIM thru your solat istikharah
Try to list down what are the +ve and -ve points if you keep on staying here and the list of +ve and -ve points if you leave from here.

And remember son, any decision that you make, you have my back, as you alwez have mine..
Will alwez be with you in your ups and downs..
Will lend you my hands to push you up when you get stuck in your way..
And you can step on my feet when you are too walk..
Because as I have already promised to you, i will never leave you
I will alwez walk with you till the finishing line..

Will alwez pray the best for my son..
Miisng you.
Please be strong..as you alwez do..

LuRveHaTeR said...

salam..bro..see???smpai mama kasik tzkirah tuh..huhu~~tharu kowtt..just like mama said,u got us by ur side..okie??? (n_n)

Syahida Majid said...

Salam alaik..

If Arabic is the reason, hear me say. My Arabic was MINUS went I was sent to Al Bayt, Mafraq (previosly taking Usuluddin and I'm MRSM product). Usuluddin, defenitly everything in Arab! Even my roomate is Arabiyat.

Every day I cried, and I can't tell my feeling to anyone, cz almost all Malaysian there are from SMKA or DQ or so on, thus they are great in Arab.

When I told them 'I can't understand any!', they would answered 'We neither, don't worry, u'll learn soon..'. But how could they understand my feeling, if they have basic in Arabic. Yep, it was like listening to chicken or duck..

So, I do felt like to quit from class (not from Jordan). To break untill I understand lil bit, then I would be ready to class. It is heart breaking, seeing friends laughing when the Syeikhah talks.

I cried and cried, but no one understood.

5 month passed, suddently I realised I could talk to my rumet!I understand what she'd said, and she told me that my Arabic is verry good!

So, learning need patient and courage. Maybe I was blessed cz lived with Arabiyat. But stil, if I didn't even try to talk with her (I didn't my past rumet), my Arabic wouldn't be better.

Praise to Allah, believe in Him. The best thing is, I could understand Al Quran better.

Staying in Jordan is a goood decision! Go go Ulya!